Hey up!

Just popping in to bump this blog as it were. I’ve got two prompts today: a senseless AI one and a stupid little piece I made myself. Let’s start with the former.

“What is a word you feel that too many people use?” I’m going to be perfectly honest, I feel that there’s quite a range of words I think are overused today. Call me pedantic, but I quickly get a little grumpy about books using the exact same language and metaphors repeatedly throughout a genre with little freshness or variety. Mind you, I treat it like tropes: they aren’t inherently bad, it just depends on how much though is put into their employment.

Instead, I’m going to invert the question: here are some words that I think are underused! (Whoopee, here comes another list)

• Ghastly – such a dramatic, almost pantomine word for something frightening! It’s quicker to write than the (horri/terri)fying variety and has a nice ring to it. Besides, it’s got some neat spectral associations. Spooky.
• Tup/swive – To be frank, I feel like people are using the F word so much nowadays that it’s kind of lost it’s meaning – ranging from the traditional expression of copulation to a sort of miscellaneous adjective. It’s become casual, almost hollow from explotation – only shocking to the more sensitive souls. Some day, it won’t even be a swear word…how tragic. so, to suppliment that, why not bring back some old words that have the exact same meaning! “Tup” is just three letters long and “swive” flows right off the tongue.
• Wretch – It’s an insult that doesn’t target class, race or sex. It only points out an individual’s unconditional negativity without stooping to pettiness. Clot is also a good word, being quicker to write.
• “Using saint’s names in vain” – Get creative with your blasphemy. I’ve been reading lots of Hillary Mantel lately and having a right joy with the Duke of Norfolk’s exclamations – “By the thrice beshitten shroud of Lazarus!”. There’s thousands and thousands of saints you could be using – if you’re writing fantasy, you can even use these insults for worldbuilding! Don’t just diss God(s).
• Crapulous – Means “sick from over indulgence”. I’m sure a lot of us feel Crapulent after our birthdays. It also sounds scatalogical.

Anyway, enough of that crapulence, by Saint Anthony’s twin knobs. I could go on forever dictating what we should say more. My second point for today – I’ve written a vogon Poem (I.E alien torture courtesy of Douglas Adams). Why? Because I was bored. Idle hands make terrible mischief…

Drivel Dry, grunge Pie – a Vogon tragedy.

Rumble time. grumble time. Tumble rhyme.

A bogslurp down deep – deep down. Gut brown.

Bog grumble? No. Slurp time? so.

That many hour came,gone.

I hunger, humble and grunger.

Grunge pie, I covet thy. Sigh.

 

That most fricklesome lustre on crustre.
Glurgumglurgumglurg, I await. Late.

Grunge pie, I covet thy. Why?

Hogburp,  gut groan and grumble and slurp.

Drivel by drip and stain. Waiting is pain.

Dog dumbbell. Furred beef. Vets seethe.

Why? Grunge pie. 

Glurgumglurgum…wait for it…blort.

The pie I sought. Not wrought. 

Not brought. I seed it not.

Drivel drip, drip, drip, stop.

Mouth dry, no grunge pie.

Bugger that waiter. Bugger that chef.

Chugger that breath. Hunger, then death.

Death? Gut death, gurgle death, drivel death.

Pie left. Not eaten, not made.  

Bugger that pie.

That was possibly most ghastly tripe I’ve ever swiving written and I’m glad you were all there to witness it. I don’t think your day will quite recover from seeing that, but do your best to forget what you’ve just seen.

Get some fresh air in you.